i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
