no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
