Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You're so nebulous sometimes
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
