god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
