Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
