Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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