Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
