You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
