I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Oh god it's open bar.
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