Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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