My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
