We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
