What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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