Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
