did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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