Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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