I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
