so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
