so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
