smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
