Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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