The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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