Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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