Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
