Everything about him screamed your future.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
