I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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