i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
