You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
