I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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