I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
