And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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