put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
