Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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