youre lurking in front of me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
