life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
