Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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