If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
