He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
