If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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