I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
