ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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