We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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