Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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