She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
