I have demons in me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
