I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
