hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
