I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
