I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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