its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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