I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
