Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
