I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
